Two peanuts walked into a biker bar.
One was a salted.
The big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for...
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So a guy walks into a bar, looking really moody and orders immediately a double-whiskey. Then he starts rambling on about how lousy a wife he's got, until the bartender finally says: "You know, I don't understand what you're complaining about. All the other guys in here only have compliments about your wife."
A nonrenewable natural resource walks in to a bar and orders a tall glass of whiskey. The bar tender says "Sorry, I can't serve you. You've been getting wasted all day long!"
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a beer, and another, and another, until finally the bartender asked him to leave. He walks out the side door, and a few seconds later, he walks in the front door, sits down, orders a drink. Again, the bartender tells him he needs to leave. He gets up, walks out the side door, and comes back in the front door and is asked to leave. This happens about eight more times until finally the man exclaims,"Damn, many bars do you work in?!?"
E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, sorry, we don't serve minors.
There's an app for that!
Some amazing stuff here! I wanna check that place out! (Click through for a larger version)
A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whiskey. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging." "Hanging? Who are they hanging?" "Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied. "What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked. "Well," said the bartender, "he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes." "Weird guy," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"...
A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman are sitting in a bar in New York reminiscing about home. "Back in me pub in Glasgow," brags the Scotsman, "fer every four pints of stout I order, they give me one fer free!" "In me pub in London," says the Englishman,"I pay fer two pint's o' Guiness and they give me a third one free!" "That's nuthin'" says the Irishman, "Im my pub back in Dublin, you walk up to the bar, they give the first pint fer free, the second pint fer free, the third pint...
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