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It is time to do a comparison between two things treasured by men, beer and pussy... A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement. Advantage: Beer. A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes better served hot. Advantage: Pussy. Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied. Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton. Advantage: Beer. Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones. Pussy does not. advantage: Tie If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted. Advantage: Pussy 24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you can come in. Advantage: Pussy Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer. Advantage: Pussy. If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible. Advantage: Beer. If you come home smelling like beer, your wife may get mad. If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad. Advantage: Beer. 6 beers in a night and you better not drive. 6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need. Advantage: Pussy Buy too much beer and you will get fat. Buy too much pussy and you will get poor. Advantage: Tie It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game. You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game. Advantage: Pussy If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer. If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five. Advantage: Pussy With beer, bigger is better. Advantage: beer. Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable. Advantage: beer. Pussy can make you see God. Beer can make you see the porcelain god. Advantage: Pussy If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal. If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic. Advantage: Pussy Peeling labels off of beers is fun. Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun. Advantage: Pussy. If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired. If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment. Advantage: Tie If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break. If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are. Advantage: Beer. If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back. Advantage: Beer. The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Pussy. The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it. Advantage: Beer. Bad beer: Schlitz, PBR, Old Swill. Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright. Advantage: Tie Good beer: Samuel Adams, Moosehead, Pete's Wicked Winter Brew. Good pussy: Almost all but the above. Advantage Pussy. The government taxes beer. Advantage: Pussy.
Sorry, but beer is gonna win. You forgot a few.
You can enjoy a beer all month long Advantage: BEER!
When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer Advantage: BEER!
After you've had a beer, the bottle is still worth 5 cents Advantage: BEER!
You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good Advantage: BEER!
If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony Advantage: BEER!
Beer doesn't have to get a new dress for a party. Advantage: BEER!
Beer doesn't care if you forget its "born on" date. Advantage: BEER!
Beer doesn't argue with you about when you can have it. Advantage: BEER!
Not so fast! Women have their problems, sure, but they still beat beer, hands down!
A beer bottle doesn't look any better with its labels off. Advantage: ( Y ) You can suck a beer at only one spot. Advantage: (o)(o) ( Y ) (_!_) The bottom of a beer can isn't very interesting. Advantage: (_!_) - not even close! You can't eat a beer. Advantage: ( Y ) You have to be over 21 to enjoy a beer. Advantage: I think we know how this one is turning out.
But let's agree on this. These are the best two things in the world.
Admit it - on some level, even this one's pretty hot.